This is a collection of thoughts and statements about things that annoy me. I am a big, angry man. Hear me roar, or piss off and give me peace.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Non emergency 999

Isn't that the number for the local police station - you know, the one that's in the phone book?

Who are these idiots?

The Hootsman would have us believe that the general public are too stupid to look at a phone book... How do people survive in this world if they're phoning 999 to report something that isn't an immediate threat to life or limb? Calling the local police station to report someone trying to nick a bike is a hell of a lot more sensible than calling 999... I would like to have a bit more faith in folk having some common sense, but time after time, I end up being bitterly disappointed.

As for the people who dial 999 to ask the time, ask to get driven home, and all other nonsense... Can we shoot them?

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Merry fucking Christmas

Like the subject says. Merry fucking Christmas to you all...

But not to this boy's mother - it's the comments on the Hootsman article that makes it worth reading.

Anyway, I am about to switch from coffee to booze for the rest of the day. The emergency single malt supply might just be cracked open in a wee while too. Nobody in the house except myself drinks the stuff. Oh dear, a whole bottle to myself. What a shame.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Edinburgh Trams are crap...

...a 111 year old clock agrees, and has taken a stand.

The Edinburgh Evening Hootsman reports that the old clock at the top of Leith Walk has called time on this tram nonsense which is fouling up our fair city.

Sadly, the resistance mounted by the grand old clock is likely to be overcome next month as measures have been taken to avoid damaging the cast iron column that is causing the bother.

Tell me again why we allow Edinburgh Cuntcil to vandalise the city in this way?

Political tampering with the IPCC report...

Viscount Monckton, a contributor to the IPCC reports on climate change, has made a press release saying how unsatisfied he is with the tampering of the report, and pseudo-science contained within. He claims the House of Lords have held two detailed investigations on the IPCC claims, and in both, found them to be wanting. As I have mentioned previously, Monckton of Brenchley is no stranger to scientific argument regarding global warming (or should that be climate change?) arguments.

"The bureaucrats had multiplied the effect of melting ice from the Greenland and West Antarctic Ice Sheets by 10."

How can they possibly justify that? Monckton claims the "error" was corrected silently, but worryingly, nobody else noticed...

"So the true increase in radiative forcing was 1 percent, not 20 percent. The IPCC has exaggerated the CO2 effect 20-fold."

He mentions the lack of the Stefan-Boltzmann law from the 2007 report. This is a fundamental law in climate science, indeed, I used it at University when studying a couple of courses in the climate. Practicality's Blog covers this too.

"For half a century we have been measuring the temperature in the upper atmosphere - and it has been changing no faster than at the surface. The IPCC knows this, too. So it merely declares that its computer predictions are right and the real-world measurements are wrong."

And there was me thinking that observations in science were held as being pretty close to being absolute proof... Unless, of course, there are things interfering with the observations.

"If we deny them the fossil-fuelled growth we have enjoyed, they will remain poor and, paradoxically, their populations will continue to increase, making the world’s carbon footprint very much larger in the long run."

An interesting parallel is drawn between global warming, and the banning of DDT which was used to control Malaria... DDT was dangerous, but Malaria was even worse - as the recent reversal of this decision shows.

Socialism at its finest - keeping the poor in a state of poverty, and keep them dependant on the government to bail them out...

As reported here, scientists are grumpy about the UN plans for a global tax on carbon.

"What we see unfolding in Bali is one of the major final stepping stones on the road to a complete globalist stranglehold on reducing the living standards of everyone in the industrialized world, and a scheme to prevent the third world from ever lifting itself out of poverty."

The overwhelming message from the letter written to the UN, is this: adapt!

"the IPCC's conclusions are quite inadequate as justification for implementing policies that will markedly diminish future prosperity. In particular, it is not established that it is possible to significantly alter global climate through cuts in human greenhouse gas emissions."

NASA has recently come under fire for being crap - oops, there goes the quality control procedures! My favourite line is in the comments...

"If AGW were a company, this is really all I would need to refuse to invest in it, or sell my stock if I held any. For NASA to be in effect leaving its independent role to endorse a partisan site linked to Gore is quite wrong, and undermines its credibility."

The question is really, how to make other folk realise this?

El Reg reports that the famous climate models aren't really modelling the climate as we know it... Pesky reality, not matching the simulations!

That's the trouble with computer models - as Johnny and I have discussed on many occasions, computers just don't work the way we want them to... If observations are just not up to what the models say they should be - what should we believe? Well, as a scientist, I'd go with the observable every time. And when you consider the funding put into the AGW debate, then suddenly everything becomes clear...

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Computer skills are undervalued in business

The BBC reports that a survey conducted by Microsoft found that businesses are undervaluing IT skills... (Well, Microsoft would find that, wouldn't they?)

1. Team working and interpersonal skills
2. Initiative
3. Analysing and problem solving
4. Verbal communication
5. Personal planning and organising
6. Flexibility
7. IT skills

I'd have to say that I think IT skills are important, particularly since I am an IT contractor / consultant, however, if you're illiterate, can't work in a team, solve problems, tie your own shoelaces, then you're pretty fucked, and IT skills are the least of your worries.

I think the feeling that IT skills are undervalued stems from businesses typically seeing IT as only an overhead, and not really a core part of enabling folk to get work done. (Whatever the particular work of the company is...) Too many times IT budgets are slashed, support is cut back, and cheap kludges are thrown in to production which is fine when things work, but when they break how many engineers, sales people, widget makers, traders or whomever find they can't do a damn thing until someone comes along to make it all better? These costs will run in to millions of (wo)man hours, and seriously impacts the profitability of a company, not to mention losing your latest CV, and mp3 collection seriously fucks up your Qi. A lot of this is preventable, if the hard headed spreadsheet managers would listen to the actual support requirements of the people that work in the companies...

A happy medium is required, not lowest common denominator.

But then, I was always going to say that. That, and give me a pay rise.

Of all the things to plagiarise...

I was being very vain, and did a quick google for a domain name which I own.

I found a Powerpoint thing I did a couple of years ago for The TARDIS Project, at The University of Edinburgh.

I found that the next link was to some guy somewhere who had gleefully plundered my carefully crafted (made up in an hour or so) DNS and BIND tutorial.

I wouldn't mind so much, but I am not credited in his thievery, although it's rather obvious since he left my username in one of the slides, the donkey fucker, and also there are several references that I wouldn't expect a Redhat monkey to make...

sjh@mccoy:~$ cat /etc/hosts localhost mccoy baker packages

And here's the domain name I was searching for - at the time I wrote the tutorial I didn't have my company:

Fault tolerance? Through nifty DNS hacks 60 IN A 60 IN A 60 IN A

So, M. A. Agheli, whoever you are, it's polite to at least add a link to the thing you're stealing, or at least, don't make it so fucking obvious.

Friday, December 14, 2007

German ingenuity gone a bit awry...

The Register gleefully reports that a 64 year old German drank an entire litre bottle of vodka when he was told that he could not take the bottle on the plane as hand luggage. (No doubt in case of Terrrrrrirrrrrr).

Sadly, the after-effects were not so hot, and a doctor was called who diagnosed alcohol poisoning...

I would be sorely tempted to do that sort of thing myself with a fine bottle of single malt, since one really doesn't want one's fine whisky being thrown about in the hold...

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Heavenly Pizzas - Uncommonly good customer care...

Imagine my surprise to receive a telephone call all the way from Aberdeen. Mr James Cummings, MD of Heavenly Pizzas read my blog post and called me about the issues I had posted about.

Clearly I was surprised that someone had (a) found my blog (b) read it and (c) had bothered to get my phone number and call me!

I emailed Mr Cummings, and after a few email volleys, he explained what steps he was taking to ensure that the online ordering system was fixed, and that staff in the Edinburgh branch of Heavenly Pizzas received the appropriate training.

As I said to Mr Cummings, I have continued to use their pizza delivery service because the pizzas are so damn good!

I'd like to make it abundantly clear that I was not asked to make any amendments to my blog post, or to make this one, but because he took the trouble to take customer satisfaction seriously, I felt compelled to make this post. I was so taken aback, since in these modern times most people adopt the "take it or leave it" approach.

So, what had been a not so great experience of Heavenly Pizzas has now been fixed due to them having a boss who cares enough about his business to give things a personal touch, and actually speak to customers, and most importantly, listen to them.

Now, if only the MD of First Scotrail would read my blog...

Friday, November 30, 2007

Hippies - Vandalism is vandalism!

Aviation is vandalism?

No, I think you'll find spray-painting walls is vandalism.

Fucking hippies.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Devolution - a shower of shite.

The Hootsman reports that devolution is a shower of shite.

I have to admit, the article was utterly crap, but then so is the wee pretendy parliament. And to think we pay for this...

Saturday, November 24, 2007


We pay for this...

Sack the fucking lot of 'em.

Pols, and un-civil servants.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Naval battery aimed at Des "Two Jobs" Browne

The Times and BBC report that Des "Two Jobs" Browne is having to defend himself against 5 former Chiefs of Defence Staff.

To quote Admiral Lord Boyce -
"When you have got people who have been killed and maimed in the service of their government, and you put at the head of the shop someone who is part-time, that sends a very bad message."

Of course, as Scots people, we should be outraged that the Scottish Secretary is only looking after our interests part time too! Then again, since things aren't going swimmingly in the forces, or here in Scotland - what the hell is Browne doing with himself, since it's clearly neither of his two jobs!

An Englishman
passes comment on this too.


I have been saving this rant up for a rainy day. People know I like to listen to music. People know I like my small collection of Hi-Fi things in the corner of the room. People also know I like shiny toys.

People should also know that some shiny toys are all fur coat and no knickers.

50 quid for a mains lead... Here's one for £170 That's not the worst of it... £1924.00 for a mains cable? What the fuck is the world coming to? Who buys this shit?

We even have some guy on his website telling us to remove the fuse from the plug! Well, hell mend him when his house burns down due to faulty wiring. But that's probably because he hasn't seen this wonderful product - a bargain at £47.50

They're less than a fiver from normal outlets... Sure, not gold plated, but when you consider the electrical noise in the average home ring main, what good is gold plating going to do you? Also consider the whopping great big transformers or switched mode power supply that's in your Hi-Fi... Do you seriously think that these devices which are designed to cope with fluctuations in mains voltage - since you never really get 240 V AC at 50 Hz out of that little socket on the wall.

I'm not the only person in the world who thinks this sort of thing is madness...
This chap
has a collection of interesting links - I particularly like the Shakti stone that chases away electromagnetic interference... Bwahahahahahaha!

How about this for snake oil? CD Flux, A spray that makes your CDs sound "more dynamic" whatever that means... Flux off! How about picking up some Isopropyl Alcohol instead, that will cost a lot cheaper than £75 and do just as good a job at cleaning the disk, which is all that other stuff is going to do anyway - it's not like it can make 0s and 1s magically appear where there aren't any - only remove the fingerprints and other dirt on the disk.

I am still looking for links to the solid wood volume knob which enhances sound quality by being wooden, or something. It made me laugh.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

It's not just the airports...

The Hootsman reports that Scottish airport security is terrible... Well damn me, common sense told me that years ago.

Current hysteria about terrrirrrr is actually making things worse for travellers through our airports... Not only can you not take sensible quantities of liquid onto an aircraft, but you are made to queue up in stupid places where any self respecting terrrrrrist will be able to wander past and explode in the vicinity, whilst taking some air...

I know, I know, I am stating the blindingly obvious...

Trouble is, this sort of nonsense is spreading from airports, where you expect to be inconvenienced, and felt up by security apes, to the railways, where one was once accustomed to jumping on to a train seconds before it departed (don't be silly, it was never on time) and sped you merrily on your way to your destination...

However, these days, you can get your arse felt by the Peelers at the local train station... Two or three of my friends have been inconvenienced in this manner...

"Do you have a moment to be searched?" They ask...

"Well, my train leaves in 1 minute" My friend replies...

"We were not really asking" says the Peeler...

Several minutes of pointless inconveniencing and rummaging goes by, in the meantime the train (for once on time, the bastards) comes and goes.

Perhaps they should fuck right off and let us get about our business without hindrance.

Does any of this actually make us more secure? Does it fuck.

I expect they asked the same people who think ID cards are a great idea, and will sort all of this out whether they would mind having their mornings ruined by the plods at the train station... "Oh no, anything for security" they answer...

Fuck off.

In the words of Benjamin Franklin: "Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety."

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Bacterial CO2 emissions

There's a spoof climate paper in circulation at the moment, courtesy of some Welshman with too much time on his hands... Ohoho what a jolly jape.
"The death of global warming" - spoof puts the fun back into lying about science

Well, I suppose they should be used to lying about science by now.

Silicon Glen? Silicon When?

The Hootsman reports that Silicon Glen is disappearing... I think they're a little late with this observation.

Those companies that are still around are pursuing death of a thousand cuts policies on their manufacturing and R&D operations in Scotland. Good men and women are losing their jobs because, on a spreadsheet, it's cheaper to farm work out to the far east.

From over 2500 people in 2002 to 700 in 2007, and that number is still falling...
"Silicon Glen came and swept us up. But when it disappeared, we did not crash to earth. Those job losses were absorbed. And that may be the more enduring mystery of the Glen that Disappeared."

Try telling that to the hundreds of skilled electronics manufacturing workers who no longer have jobs - yes, they're intelligent folk, but where are they now?

I expect that in a few years, the lower yields, and higher costs from more factory returns, and the higher costs from more engineers required to output the same number of units will eventually force the company to rethink.

In the meantime, we're all fucked. Scotland is losing some truly outstanding engineers - how likely are they to come back to this when it eventually comes full cycles, and we're once again a high tech R&D and manufacturing centre?

Monday, November 05, 2007

Net addresses to run out?

Apparently Vint Cerf is claiming that the sky is falling - saying that Internet Service Providers urgently need to roll out IPv6 to allow us to use more than the 2^32 (4 billion-ish) addresses that IPv4 (what we're using just now) allows...

The BBC tells us that IPv4 is projected to run out in 2010 or so.

Whilst *eventually* IPv4 addresses will run out, I think we're a lot further off having to use IPv6 than the Beeb suggests. Remember, we're talking about upgrades and reconfiguring almost every router on the planet here!

There are millions of IP addresses wasted out there - from the days of a few big companies having class A and B networks, they allowed real live IP addresses to be assigned to desktop computers. (The computer I am at right now has a publically routeable IP address, of course, the corporate firewall prevents it from being of any use to me!) If these address ranges were reclaimed, we'd have millions of addresses to spare! Who needs a routeable IP address for their toaster anyway?

Sunday, November 04, 2007

On yer bike

I have recently acquired a new flat for myself. Thanks very much, it's lovely, I know. (Pictures are online, those who know me, know where they are).

A month or two after I got the keys, I started collecting bicycles outside the flat (it's a maindoor flat, so has a garden, and a fence around the aforementioned garden).

Student fuckers have been affixing their bicycles to my fence, two in front of my living room window, two in front of my study window, and one adjacent to the door to the common stair.

I, thinking I might be a tad unreasonable, becoming angry about such things, sought advice from my ground floor neighbour about this. My neighbours, who have lived there for a good while (decades) told me that I was being quite reasonable...

I then applied a notice to the board in the stair, asking for the removal of bicycles from my fence, and then a couple of days afterwards, applied noted to the few remaining bicycles... After only a couple of days, all bicycles had been removed.

Tonight, I returned home from a night of fine booze at the Scotch Malt Whisky Society, and I found a bicycle chained to my fence.

I have utilised a chain of my own, to ensure that the bicycle is secure. I fully expect someone to knock on my door at an inconvenient time of the night, however, my bedroom is at the rear of the property, and as such, I am unlikely to hear a knock on the door.

Oh well...

-- Update on Sunday afternoon --

Very sneakily, in between having my lunch and watching the telly, the owner of the bicycle has removed the bike, and my padlock and chain in the process. How they managed it without me (or my friend who is round for coffee) hearing, I am not too sure. However, next time, I'll invest in a D lock of my own to properly inconvenience the bastards.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Heavenly Pizzas - Devilishly poor business sense...

Updated post here...
Heavenly Pizzas - Uncommonly good customer care...


Heavenly Pizzas make delicious pizzas, but clearly know fuck all about running a business. For the second time, Heavenly Pizzas have attempted to overcharge me for an order I have placed online with them. (My previous order was placed on the 19th of October, so it's not like I am taking the piss here).

I ordered this on their webshite:


And when the delivery chap arrived, he attempted to charge me this:


Now, there is clearly a discrepancy here.

The delivery chap, quite correctly, called his gaffer, who after a minute or two, told him the price he was trying to charge me was correct... The delivery driver thought this was wrong since I showed him the website printout above, and since it is wrong, but was told that was the price.

I then called the shop, and talked to the chap in the shop, who explained that the website was wrong, that the offer was only available in Aberdeen, was not available in Edinburgh on a Friday night, and that I should pay the full price.

I pointed out to him that I selected my order online, told their system my postcode, so it knew I was in Edinburgh, and entered a contract with their shop when I agreed to the price on their website, at £22.50 for the 2 pizzas, and associated starters I suggested that he should honour that price. Suffice to say, he was not convinced, and suggested I should visit the shop to see what was on offer on a Friday. Of course, I pointed out that I had ordered online, and as such, the online order I submitted in my browser was the word of God, and should be honoured. (I didn't mention Trading Standards, although I should have). After much grumbling about "other customers" having "been told" about this, he eventually relented (which was his only option) and accepted the £22.50 due. I did tell him his argument was really with the folk who run their website, since the online public cannot be expected to absorb information about which offers are valid by a process of telepathy. The bemused delivery chap disappeared off with that and a tip for having to suffer this nonsense, and my friend and I sat down to pizza and assorted shenanigans.

Let this be a warning to you out there - I know there are other Edinburgers who read this, and who probably eat pizza too. Everyone should order the two for a tenner deal from Heavenly Pizzas on a Friday, and when they try to weasel out on the deal, point out to them that that was the price THEY ADVERTISED!!!

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Apathy at 16?

What what what?

The SNP in the wee pretendy parliament want Scotland to be able to set the voting age... (Currently a reserved matter). Apparently there is strong support within the SNP for a change in voting age.

This begs the question why?

Why should children who are not allowed to drive, smoke, drink alcohol, serve in our armed forces or get credit from a bank be allowed to vote?

They are barely able to tie their own shoelaces, let alone read and write - what hope is there of them being able to form their own opinion on who to vote for?

Perhaps this is a great big political scam - let them vote earlier so they can be indoctrinated earlier, so they don't know any better, and will continue to vote for the appointed party in later life... Assuming apathy doesn't take hold.

Leave them clocks alone

Here we are on Greenwich Mean Time again. Which is nice. We invented it. Isn't that great.

Well, yesterday, we were merrily going about our business on BST... What was the need to change the clocks in the first place?

The whiners usually tell us to think of the children, travelling to / from school in the dark. Who gives a fuck - they're all getting driven around in tanks by their overprotective parents anyway!

Auntie Beeb tells us it will take up to three days for us to adjust for this one hour of buggering about with our routines...

Up here in Edinburgh it won't be too long before it will be dark for me going to work, and leaving from work. How does changing the clocks help? Another famous excuse is think of the farmers. Well, after all the time I spent on a mixed / hill farm, daylight and the time on the clock has no resemblance to hours spent in the fields or on the hill.

Come spring, leave the clocks alone. We have the Greenwich Meridian running through this country for a reason.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

European Treaty

The Reactionary Snob links to the following piece on the European Treaty by Prodicus

I don't feel the need to comment further, and have quoted the letter in full -

Dear Foreign Secretary,

I write to explain why I shall be among thousands of angry and despairing British citizens attending the Referendum Rally in London on Saturday 27th October and why I and others now urge our fellow citizens to overturn hundreds of years of highly developed Parliamentary tradition and demand a national plebiscite on the Reform Treaty.

In refusing us our referendum, you repeatedly say that Britain is a Parliamentary democracy; that the British people have chosen to send representatives to Parliament and to allow themselves to be governed by their decisions; that it is not our national tradition to resort to referenda. (You wish us to overlook the fact that it is your political party which has repeatedly used referenda when you have found it convenient, and you cannot possibly imagine the contempt in which you and your associates are held whenever you dishonestly pray in aid 'tradition'. Your government has done more than any other in recent centuries to destroy our traditions, jeopardising coherent governance and the integrity of the nation itself.)

But you are right - we have not customarily used referenda. However, something so fundamental has changed because of your government's actions that we have no choice but to use the referendum to preserve our democracy and our right to self-determination.

What has changed, Foreign Secretary, is our Parliament. Your government has rendered it incapable of representing the people and acting in the nation's best interest. Your government, Foreign Secretary, is in the process of forcing Parliament itself to betray us. We no longer trust our Government, formed from the members of our Parliament, nor our ancient Parliamentary process, and for the very simplest of reasons.

You and the Prime Minister intend to castrate our Parliament by giving away to the European Union the power which was loaned to you by the British people in order that you could protect and defend us. You intend to pass this power, permanently and beyond recovery, to a foreign power while knowing exactly what you are doing and while lying about it to us even as you do it. You are doing this this not only without our consent but against what you know to be our wishes.

Your government has become a dictatorship. You are following the same pattern as dictators throughout history: you have accepted the acclaim of the people and then turned the power they have given you into the means to ignore and oppress them

Let me briefly specify the chief of the list of crimes against your country which you have committed, and about which you have brazenly lied to us:

You tell us that you have obtained an abiding 'protocol' (you call it a 'red line') to the Reform Treaty which, you say, prevents the future transfer of further 'competences' from Britain to the European Union. At the same time you have agreed to a formula by which -- the British veto abolished with your approval -- the Union may arrogate to itself additional 'competences' without any further treaties.

In other words, this Treaty, the founding document of a new legal entity is, in essence and effect, the final treaty. It enables the European Union to exert indefinitely extensible power over Britain regardless of the wishes of the British people.

There will never be another opportunity for Britain to loosen the chains placed upon us by the European Union.

Your contemptible 'red line' is worthless and you know it, and to offer it to us as though it were some kind of democratic assurance is a gesture of contempt. An insult. You insult us, Foreign Secretary, and we will have our revenge on you for this, too.

You have a peculiarly un-British vision of what one might call 'the future history of Europe' as a socialist analogue of the United States of America. You think its emergence historically inevitable, as a Marxist historian might. In the furtherance of your pan-European socialist vision, you have exceeded your authority. You have ignored the cry of the British people who disagree with you - as you are well aware - and who employ you - which you seem to forget - and you would now sign our nation away into an international organisation with quite awesome and unaccountable power over us. You are destroying the most precious element of Britain's ancient and flexible constitution -- our Parliament. You would reduce to a pathetic, muttering, impotent, regional assembly the people's means of self-government and their ultimate recourse when they seek protection from oppression by native dictators or inimical foreign powers.

You would rob us of all hope of democracy and self determination. Our inherited rights, liberties and protections, gained with our forefathers' blood over centuries, now fail us, because of your actions. You leave us no choice but to find and use whatever new, peaceful means we may, to express both our outrage at your crimes and our determination to prevent you from any further traitorous actions against us.

In previous centuries, Foreign Secretary, we would have hanged you. In these enlightened times, we will not do this, but you should be aware that this is only because we are determined to rescue our constitution, our institutions and our nation from yourself and your associates.

You do well to be very afraid of the outcome of any referendum on the Reform Treaty, and indeed of the general election when it comes. It is obvious, of course, from your refusal to conduct a referendum on the Reform Treaty that you are fully aware of the position as I describe it here, and therefore culpable of the crimes of which I accuse you and the Prime Minister.

If you had any honour in you, you would not have agreed to this Treaty without the approval of the British people by referendum, but no-one could accuse you and the Prime Minister of being honourable men. In view of your traitorous behaviour to date, though, might I ask you to at least have the grace to cease using the words tradition and British when you address us, lest you anger us to the point where we have to reconsider the proper way to deal with traitors?

I remain, sir, anything but your obedient servant,


Friday, October 19, 2007

Shipping CO2 output is twice that of aviation...

And yet the champagne socialists and environMENTALISTS are not out blocking access to ports - would that be because their Stoli and Bolly come via ship?

The BBC reports that "here are few accurate measures and even fewer restrictions on the amounts of carbon dioxide that ships can emit at present".

So, I take it we can all gleefully fly off on holiday then, without the unwashed luddites making a nuisance of themselves at the airport?

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Swearing at work is good for you...

Well fuck me!

The Beeb report that swearing in the fucking workplace enables you to relieve stress caused by those bastarding colleagues who cause all the anxiety in the first place.

"Managers need to understand how their staff feel about swearing."

Damn straight.

"The challenge is to master the art of knowing when to turn a blind eye to communication that does not meet with their own standards."

For example, when I am talking with the manufacturing guys, I tend to swear more often. It's like a different language. Actually, when I talk to the R&D guys, I tend to swear a bit more too...

It must be the fuckers I work with...

Thursday, October 11, 2007

An Inconvenient Indoctrination

The BBC reports that Al Gore's film, An Inconvenient Truth, is apparently still allowed to be shown in British schools even though it, according to the judge, contains nine serious errors.

The decision to send the film to schools throughout Britain was taken to court by an angered parent who was unhappy about the political bias, factual errors, and as such, showing it to school kids was a breach of the Education Act.

The judge decided that the film could be shown, but that certain guidelines should be followed - teachers should point out controversial or disputed sections.

This begs the question - how well will teachers, many of whom will not have a sound understanding of climate science, or politics, be able to follow these guidelines, and suitably answer questions from the kids in schools?

One can only hope that a complete analysis of the faults in Gore's indoctrination film is given to each and every child who has to suffer watching the film.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

“Tengo una remera del Che y no sé por qué”

“I have a Che T-shirt and I don’t know why.” is the translation of the title of this post, although most of you know me well enough to know I do not have a Che T shirt.

I was interested to see that the BBC article on Friday about how cool Che is, and Cuntcillor Terry Kelly's post on how great Che is both fail to mention the murders committed by Che Guevara.

I have a book by Alvaro Vargas Llosa, The Che Guevara Myth and the Future of Liberty, which offers a fascinating insight in to many of the darker recesses of Guevara's life - the parts that are not often celebrated in public by the T shirt wearing sycophants.

Here's one easy to grab paragraph from Llosa's article on

"In January 1957, as his diary from the Sierra Maestra indicates, Guevara shot Eutimio Guerra because he suspected him of passing on information: “I ended the problem with a .32 caliber pistol, in the right side of his brain.... His belongings were now mine.” Later he shot Aristidio, a peasant who expressed the desire to leave whenever the rebels moved on. While he wondered whether this particular victim “was really guilty enough to deserve death,” he had no qualms about ordering the death of Echevarría, a brother of one of his comrades, because of unspecified crimes: “He had to pay the price.” At other times he would simulate executions without carrying them out, as a method of psychological torture."

Need I say more?

BRIGHTON-REGENCY-LABOUR-SUPPORTER: Only 6% of estates pay inheritance tax.

BRIGHTON-REGENCY-LABOUR-SUPPORTER: Only 6% of estates pay inheritance tax.

What's all this about the Tories having it all wrong when the Labour Government can't afford their policies AND ARE CURRENTLY BORROWING MONEY to pay for them... Sort out your own house first.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Clueless, but not hungry

The BBC tells me that kids don't know where pasties and haggis come from.

Not being shy of a pie or two when I was wee aside, I was brought up to know where my food came from by age 8 -

"Of 1,000 children in England aged between eight and 13, 54% did not know pasties come from Cornwall and 57% did not know haggis originates in Scotland."

Consider this along with kids not knowing that chips come from potatoes, and that bacon and sausages come from pigs on farms...

I was going to rant about kids not being taught by their parents about where their dinner comes from, until I realised that the parents are as thick as pigshit as well.

The Beeb ran an article in June telling us that 22% out of the 1073 adults asked did not know that bacon and sausages come from farms... (And they have a cute picture of a bacon roll to be).

If adults don't know where their food is coming from, then there's really not much hope for us. Bring on the Soylent Green.

Monday, October 01, 2007

None of your business

It's none of your business who I phone or text, or for how long, or from where.

Fuck off!

652 different bodies are to be given access to logs that telco's have now been ordered to keep regarding a phone's owner, calls made and received, and the location of the phone.

The BBC reports that the Minister for Security and Counter-terrorism said -
"(To say) that all of a sudden anyone and everyone's information is available, that all these authorities somehow have the right to go fishing and snooping, simply isn't the case"

So, tell me then, why are 652 organisations able to access this information, and not just the Peelers and MI5? Oh yes, that would be because you're a nosey bastard, and should be hanged from the nearest lamppost.

There are already methods of encrypting phone conversations and obfuscating the data available to these 652 organisations. But of course, the nosey bastard minister would tell you if you have nothing to hide...

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

EU MS Ruling

Being an angry man, and systems administrator, I hate all software, hardware and lusers, sorry, users.

Reading The Register, I noticed that some more buffoonery has occurred in the EU courts regarding Microsoft.

From the BBC report,
"Ms Kroes described the victory as "bittersweet", saying that software customers still have no more choice than they did three years ago."

Well, you can always choose Linux. Bwahahahaha, the fools!

Apparently MS was "ordered to make a version of its Windows operating system available without Microsoft's Media Player software." Because that'll make a big fucking difference. Which dolt came up with that?

Even more amusing is the fine to be paid by MS - €497m - I wonder if Bill will roll up and pay it in cash. Fuck it, he should just buy the court.

MS should appeal this utterly pointless decision. Not only do I believe that the European Courts are a waste of time, that Europe as a political power is a waste of time and money, but why should MS comply with the ruling?

As much as I hate a lot of the software from MS, they are the de-facto standard for a desktop OS, and office suite. Look at Openoffice... "What's that?" I hear you say... It's a pile of shite is the answer. MS have got where they are by being good enough that everyone that isn't a Mac luddite, or "I build my own computer" Linux fanboy uses it in business, schools and homes.

MS should tell the EU to fuck its self, and write it's own software. It wouldn't take long for the ruling to be overturned if people who previously suckled on the tit of MS rose up when they couldn't get their software fix.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Going, going, SCOne!

SCO has filed for Chapter 11!

As I mentioned last month, SCO are bastards, and their share price plummeted when a judge saw through their bullshit and ruled against them in the SCO vs IBM and common sense case.

The Register reports that SCO have applied for the infamous Chapter 11 financial protection - although their CEO still seems to believe that they can appeal the ruling that has caused this downward spiral... No, wait, it was their lying and cheating that did that...

One can only hope that Chapter 7 will follow shortly, and that the lying bastard McBride will be left penniless.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Noisy adverts on blogs

... and other webshites too.

"Hello, I am an irritating cunt, and I am here to tell you about this other web page you really should visit"

Shut the fuck up. Who the fuck asked you? I am here to read this page, not be assaulted by this shite.

So, I am reading a blog, and it's interesting, yet there is some cunt in a pink tie talking to me. What is it with video adverts, and pages that play sounds at you?

I am listening to Beethoven's 9th. I do not want to be disturbed by some irritating pink tie wearing fuck-face telling me to visit some site or other.

I can see why people install blocking widgets in their browsers to prevent this sort of intrusion.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Edinburgh City Council are idiots... film at eleven...

According the the Evening Hootsman, the cuntcil want to make pubs close earlier during the week to curb anti-social behaviour.

It says "vertical drinking establishments" - pubs and clubs which have little or no seating for customers - have a "significant bearing on the likelihood of crime and disorder".

Away and stop havering a load of pish. What has a bearing on crime and disorder, as the licensed trade will tell you, is serving people who are arseholes, rather than folk who are out for a couple of beers with their pals in a wee pub like The Bow Bar, Bennets, Bert's or Cloisters. You'll get some of the best ale in pubs that are standing room only, but that's not the point of this crap from the council...

Labour councillor Eric Barry, who is on the board, said he was against cutting the licensing hours and argued week nights were not the problem anyway. He said: "I'm a taxi driver and I've worked nights for 28 years. The problems are not Sunday-Thursday. It's late on Saturdays."

Whoah, sense from a Labour councillor. You've got to admit he's right though - just try walking down the Grassmarket or Lothian Road on a Friday or Saturday night... Dodging folk puking, or fighting. Fun for all the family.

This is the same council that want to save money by closing schools.

Here's an idea on saving money...

Sack the fucking lot of them. Councillors, and the staff.

And if this goes through, prepare to withhold an appropriate amount of Cuntcil Tax, to get the message across to these idiots that they work for us. Not the 20 people they carefully selected to say they want pubs closing early, and people in bed before 12. Idiots.

Friday, August 31, 2007

A nation oblivious...

What is it with people wandering around utterly oblivious to their surroundings with ipods in their ears?

I asked one, and what was their reply? Well, nothing, since they didn't hear me.

I was on the train the other morning, and one of these oblivious idiots made it to the door before me. Stood there like a fucking idiot while the guard asked them to move (twice) before he sort of poked them out of the way.

Yes you, you fucking moron. You're stopping everyone getting off the train because you're listening to your cool choons too fucking loud, and not paying enough attention. Just as well there wasn't some emergency. Fuck it, I'd have trampled them.

A number of those earphone wearing oblivisheeple are females of the species. I can only but wonder if somehow shutting themselves off into their own little world makes them feel safer or happier? Not that Edinburgh is a particularly dangerous place, but I like to have my wits about me when I am wandering around - if nothing else, when I am crossing the road in case of traffic, emergency vehicles, whatever... Do these people? Do they fuck.

Speaking of trampling, what is it with people who gitter about in the middle of the pavement? There are those who stop to talk, and take up the entire pavement - which is one thing I can't stand, the other, is those folk who walk slowly enough to get under your feet, and not either directly in front of you, but just a bit off to the side - so they're not on either side of the pavement, and not really in the middle either. This means you're then slaloming behind them avoiding the oncoming people who are also having to adjust their route. Just walk on the left, and at a relatively constant pace. How hard is that? Ah, fuck it, stay at home out of my way. That would be much better. (A quarter of a million people are in a Facebook group about hitting slow walking people, so at least it's not just me that's pissed off by this...)

I particularly find Haymarket Station troublesome in the mornings - not only is it an arm pit of a station, but going in to it to get a train at 08:40, usually means there are hundreds of people trying to get out. Of course, they use the stairs to platform 2 in their entirety - 4 rows of people coming up the stairs. They get quite confused (and bruised) to find me coming down the stairs, at speed, to get my soon to depart (if it's on time (Hah! that'll be fucking right)) train. It's not difficult - other people are trying to use the station too... expect people to come down the stairs when you're otherwise blocking them...

A nation of idiots...

The BBC reports on the falling literacy and numeracy levels in the country at primary school level.

"While there has been real progress over the last 10 years, we need to continue to push for year-on-year improvement because it is vital that all children gain a thorough understanding of the basics.

That is why we are doing much more to support early reading, writing and maths."

I think the issue is that politicians keep fucking about with things they know nothing about. How about letting the teachers teach? Also, the inability of people to realise that kids have different abilities, and no amount of socialist claptrap will render them equal. Indeed, chances are it will hold everyone back.

When you then consider that GCSE passes have increased - perhaps due to the bar being set lower each year? Science, in particular, has been in the news a lot recently...

"It is not a lowering of the bar, rather a raising of the bar since candidates have to engage with and positively respond to more questions than previously."

Responding to questions that don't actually ask them anything meaningful. A science question does not actually test anyone if set so absurdly easy that all the pupils pass. Science is supposed to be hard. It's also supposed to be rewarding and interesting. The exams are supposed to be a benchmark for how much (useful?) stuff you have learned - and as such should not be too easy.

Cambridge University would like to see tougher A levels, since it might actually give them some idea how well their applicants did at school!

In an attempt to make everyone have a pass at GCSE level or whatever, all that is happening is the exam is being reduced to something utterly worthless. You might as well hand the exam passes out to wipe your arse with.

Interestingly enough, I've not seen much about the standards in Scotland being lowered. (Other than the social engineering of University admissions reported last year). I don't imagine that's because it's not the case - I expect our politicians to meddle and make the same mess...

Thursday, August 23, 2007


No, not the delightful beans which turn into an equally delightful beverage.

Sun Microsystems have announced via the gaffer's blog that they are going to change their NASDAQ symbol from SUNW, a symbol of quality, that harks back to their early days "Stanford University Network Workstations", a reassuring symbol of how things were, and how reliable they are... to JAVA. JAVA? I mean, how the fuck can they possibly think that re-branding the entire corporation...

"Ask a teenager if they know Java, and they'll point to their favourite mobile applications"

No. Ask a teenager if they know their arsehole from their earhole. A teenager does not spend hundreds of thousands of pounds on SUNW... Teenagers do not have Sun Workstations at home, and teenagers do not know what Solaris is. (With the possible exception of them confusing it with that fucking film with Geroge Clooney).

"But SUNW represents the past, and its not without a nostalgic nod that we've decided to look ahead."

Those who forget their past are fucking idiots.

"To be very clear, this isn't about changing the company name or focus - we are Sun, we are a systems company, and we will always be a derivative of the students that created us, Stanford University Network is here to stay. But we are no longer simply a workstation company, nor a company whose products can be limited by one category - and Java does a better job of capturing exactly that sentiment than any other four letter symbol. Java means limitless opportunity - for our software, systems, storage, service and microelectronics businesses. And for the open source communities we shepherd. What a perfect ticker."

Gaaaaah. Marketing bullshit at its worst. Why are they wantonly changing these things? Check out the grumpy responses on the gaffer's blog... They do not like this! The consensus is, Java is a flash in the pan, and SUNW remains. Learn from this. Do not let the marketing weenies fuck this up.

Throwing money at the problem...

The BBC reports that throwing money at the problem of youth crime does not help.

No shit, Sherlock.

It's bad enough that Mr Eugenides has posted about something *ahem* unrelated, and conveniently notices the above article too...

What the wee bastards need is a good hiding. It's as simple as that.

The way to combat anti-social behaviour is not to coddle them, and try to understand them. It's to remind them of their place in society. Too many kids with chronic cases of wee-bastarditis get "understanding" from the children's panel and then grow into adult criminals, then we're stuck with paying for their stays in hotels, sorry, prisons.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

The people support "Pay as you throw"? Away and shite.

"Almost two-thirds would support a "pay-as-you-throw" system of collecting household waste, according to a survey for the Local Government Association."

Who the fuck came up with this?

You are paying for this already you fucking idiots! It's called Cuntcil Tax!

The BBC gleefully piss on my otherwise good day with the report that "Over 1,000 people were asked if they favoured lower council tax and charges according to how much rubbish they left, with recyclers paying less."

One can only imagine the thought process - the government might charge us less (hah, that'll be fucking right) if we do what they tell us... Hang on a minute... Don't these workshy bastards work for us? Tell them to go and fuck themselves. Do you honestly think for one second that they would possibly reduce cuntcil tax - or even slow the increases in it due to recycling more? And may I remind you how much recycling goes straight to landfill because you the population are fuckwits, and can't tell the difference between paper and plastic? (No, not you, the readers of my fabulous blog - you have more than one brain cell, that's why you're here after all...)
"The LGA also warns if councils fail to act to cut the use of landfill, they could face EU fines of up to £3bn over the next four years."

They say that like it's a bad thing. Looks like another reason to leave the EU to me. Fuck it, let some other nation be a net contributor for a change. Fuck them.

Texas State in "we're not in the EU" shocker

Apparently Texas is not in the EU.

According to the BBC, Texas has told the EU to mind its own business, in classic "Don't mess with Texas" style!

Word is, the hand wringing types in the EU want Texas to stop the death penalty. Texas has quite rightly told the EU to fuck off.

"While we respect our friends in Europe ... Texans are doing just fine governing Texas."

The right or wrongs of the death penalty aside, let them get on with running their own lives. When we live in a crime free utopia, perhaps we can try to lecture them on how to run their affairs. Until then, how about we try to get our own house in order?

Friday, August 17, 2007

Edinburgh council to strike, will anyone notice?

The BBC reports that Edinburgh Council employees have voted to strike over threats of cuts and redundancies... I await these strikes with great interest, since I suspect the people of Edinburgh will not notice a thing.

George Lee, Unison's Edinburgh branch secretary, said: "Council services are all about people. People use the services and people deliver them.

"They are home helps, education and social work staff, engineers, road workers, environmental health staff.

It's a damn shame these people don't work in the real world where factories can halve the number of staff, stop manufacturing in this country, and outsource everything to the Far East at the drop of a hat... Curiously, I haven't seen strike action taken there.

Get the wasters out of the council - too many people seem to think a job is for life in local government, and are utter wastes of space. It has been a long time since I worked in a council, but from what I am told, the slacker attitude hasn't changed at all, and it needs to change when it is us who foot the bill.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Hang 'em High

I am, of course, referring to SCO.

"SCO 'disappointed' as shares plunge 70 per cent"

70% is a good start.

For those of you who were not following this debacle, SCO claimed to own a bunch of Unix copyrights and code, and started throwing their weight around to get licence fees from companies like Sun, RedHat, large organisations running linux, etc.

Sadly, SCO does not own the copyrights. Novell does. This was announced on Groklaw on Friday.

SCO's shares have plummeted, which is pants-wettingly funny.

I can only hope that IBM give SCO the coup de grâce sooner rather than later. This has dragged on for too many years, and Darl McBride needs to be strung up for misleading SCO's investors. By misleading, I, of course, mean, lying to.

One can only wonder where SCO is going to find the money it owes to all the companies it has fleeced for licensing over the past couple of years.

The vultures are circling - but I don't think there will be much flesh left on the carcass when this is over...

Monday, August 13, 2007

Carbon Criminals?

If I hear the phrase "Carbon Criminal" one more time, I am going to rip off someone's head, and shit down their neck. (Typically, the phrase is spouted by these types)

The grabasstic fuckwits are telling us that they hate "carbon criminals" (man) (because we're so fucking hippy) Ah just fuck off. I am not interested in your tofu munching nonsense.

You're made of carbon you fucking idiot. We're carbon based life forms. If anyone here is a carbon criminal, it's you. We could set you on fire, thus keeping us from burning oil for 5 minutes. Put yourself out of our misery and fuck off.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Why I hate the festival

I have already asked you to "excuse me" The second ask, is accompanied by a scooping motion to move you out of the way.

You then can take offence at not not noticing the original ask. Just be thankful I don't have to ask you again. Because when I ask, I am really telling you.

Learn to know when you're being an arsehole. I have to live here, and suffer you being in the way for a month. Just fuck off out of my way. I am not going to even pretend to be polite after the first attempt.

Yes, I am referring to you, on the main stair in Teviot. Of course, you'll only know it as "The Gilded Balloon" but that's because you're a fucking amateur. Now fuck off out of my way.

Monday, August 06, 2007

Hippies told to go away

The BBC reports that BAA have been given the injunction to keep the hippies away from Heathrow.

Before the usual hippies start whining about the rights of the Luddites being trampled on, perhaps we should remember that BAA also has the right to go about their legitimate business without being disrupted by people taking so called "direct action" against them.

A better solution, perhaps, is that the hippies should be allowed to get on with it, on the condition that we allow angry business travellers and holidaymakers to sort them out if they cause disruption to the running of the airport? I think that sounds fair...

I think sympathy with their causes would diminish rapidly when Mr and Mrs Average miss a flight due to Luddites on the runway.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Gun Free Zones - 1/2 Hour News Hour

We should have gun free zones everywhere... Because that way it makes us all safer. Oh yes, it does.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Old news is new news...

The BBC gleefully reports that "Office printers 'are health risk'"

This has been known about for decades. Indeed, more than 10 years ago, when I was a mere lad, I informed a friend's mother about this. She would have otherwise been moved into a cupboard of an office by the local NHS trust, along with a collection of printers spitting out ozone, and toner dust. Suffice to say, they were moved to a much better, well ventilated office.

The article tells us that the "researchers" want government to regulate air quality in offices...

Great, just what we need, more regulation, when common sense would do perfectly well.

"If regulation could make the world a better place,
then we would already all be living in paradise.
And clearly we are not."
- Ivor Tiefenbrun

Uncivil partnerships

Yet another Auntie Beeb story that has made my blood boil...

"Law is 'unjust' for unwed couples" and "However, at present, co-habiting couples have very little legal protection."

Isn't that the whole point? If these people wanted legal protection, surely they'd... get married? (Be it a religious or a civil ceremony).

It's no surprise that fewer men are willing to get married these days - perhaps because of the Hurricane theory of women... Wet and wild when they come, and they take the house and car with them when they go, leaving you with nothing...

The Have Your Say folk are quite polarised on this subject too...

"Until our society stops automatically allowing the female partner to take custody of the children then any talk of 'rights' is irrelevant.

The Woman get the house and the kids EVERYTIME.
The guy gets a damp bedsit flat and a stack of bills.

Is that equality in the 21st century?"

Ouch! So we want equality, but some will still be more equal than others when all is said and done?

"If you want rights, get married you freakin' whinging losers."

Yep, I agree. Seems the obvious stance to take, wouldn't you think? Apparently not...

"My partner and I have been together for 18 years and co-habiting for 12 yet we have little or no protection and few of the benefits that a couple are awarded immediately upon getting married. How is that fair?"

More on "equality" in separation:
"Breakfast featured an umarried couple with 3 kids who were splitting up: the female partner was complaining that she only got 50% of the house and the courts didn't take into account that she looked after the kids and that she needed more protection:

50% of all their assets plus three lots of child support will leave her ex in poverty. What more could she want- blood?"

Clearly, payment in blood is required. Don't get me started on the CSA.

"So, Living with my girlfriend for longer than 2 years is a serious liability, as if we split up under this new Scheme, I will have laws giving her rights to my belongings and money. This just is not right. You can bet this scheme will mainly benefit women who will always justify their right to their ex's money and property. It appears being a bloke in this country means you have no rights, just responsibilities to pay and pay some more."

I think I am seeing a common thread here...

Why don't we leave things the way they are, where people who want legal rights get married, those who don't, don't.

I am posting this with gritted teeth, knowing the messy divorce a friend went through recently, and another (unmarried) friend's separation...

I'll leave you with a quote from Kinky Friedman, on the subject of gay marriage, which was mentioned in passing...

"I support gay marriage - they have every right to be as miserable as the rest of us"

* I see that Tory Heaven has also posted on this very subject today... It's only fair that Cato gets a mention and a link...

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Hoots mon! An ASBO for that?

And from the Evening News:

In my fair city, some young lad was driving his car along the road, when a woman stepped out into the road. The young lad slowed down, and hooted the horn of his car at her in a "the big green light means it's my turn, not yours" manner.

The young lad is promptly pulled over by the local constabulary, and ASBO'd.

Perhaps he should have just run the woman over, rather than alerting her to the dangers of mindlessly walking into the middle of the road when it's not your turn.

Who are these people? How could the police possibly give the guy an asbo for that? Is there anyone left with common sense out there?

Doesn't work like that...

In the words of the irritating bastard on that advert on the telly. I am, of course, referring to the internet.

The BBC Have Your Say is apparently populated by fuckwits who have no idea how the internet works. It's almost as bad as the Grauniad for people talking about things they know nothing about.

The topic which has caught my eye today, is the beating up of small children, by other small children, which is filmed and then posted on the interweb. Apparently this will be featured on Panorama, on Monday 30th July. Panorama used to be an interesting documentary to watch, but these days seems to be more of a mockumentary.

Anyway, back to HYS... Some of the knuckle-dragging inhabitants of Auntie's closet have come out with the following screamers:

"There are rules in broadcasting, and videos on the internet are just that."

Yes, and you must be this -> <- clever to use the internet... You have failed.

"This is another example of how the internet needs to be policed in exactly the same way as any other publishing media."

Err, but they're showing these clips on Panorama...

"I do not agree with censorship,but I feel that the IT managers could exercise some control over juvenile violence on these sites."

Perhaps they could use their mystical RegExp powers to stop kids fighting, end poverty, make it rain less in Edinburgh...

"Somebody, think of the children"

OK, the last one was me, but you get the idea.

And as a means to a quick fix -

"Only, say, the 1st 3 or 4 postings from a new member would need to be pre-checked if they had a "trusty" system as I suggested in my 12:26 posting. If they can't do that then their business model needs a rethink."

Do you really think people won't get round that? Dolt.

"If there was no site to show theses video clips
there would be no point in these Muppets filming them."

And if youtube went away... Another site would appear just as quickly - indeed, there are lots of video hosting sites out there already, it's just youtube is probably the most recognisable by BBC reading technoweenies.

One or two clued in people have noted that if Police time is to be spent on this, then perhaps it should be on the perpetrators of the assault, not on "policing" the internet, pissing into the wind, and telling the tides to recede. At least the perpetrators are providing evidence against themselves, and therefore making the job of the police a bit easier.

I could probably ramble on about this nonsense all night, but I shan't. I'll leave it at "Hands off my internet!"

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Is nothing sacred?

According to The Register, 25% of Brits will answer the phone while on the toilet.

"Heeeeelllllllloooooooooooo" *plop*


It should be a shooting offence. It's bad enough people talking in the facilities at work... I am often tempted to heckle, or make really loud straining and groaning noises when I hear the guy in the next stall answering his phone. It's just not civilised. Stop it.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

iPhone? Like iCare!

Will it blend? Blendtec makes an iPhone smoothie.

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Belgians are idiots

Some technoweenie in a Belgian court has ruled that ISPs are responsible for the file sharing used by their customers... Out-law has some blurb about this, but the real chatter is on the NANOG list.

Yes, you've guessed it, someone (International Federation of the Phonographic Industry, RIAA, some arsehole...) whined about file sharing. Without really understanding how the internet works, the Belgians decided something must be done, and that file sharing should be blocked across an ISP's network.

Now, how exactly does this work? The thing that makes file sharing illegal or legal is the people involved, not the files or the mechanism for sharing them... A blanket ban on file sharing will not solve the problem since people will find other ways to share files, whether they are legally entitled to or not.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007


I quite like eBay. The beast has evolved over the past few years into something a bit unwieldy, but on the whole, it's still a useful site, and allows me to sell old crap, and buy new old crap.

Two things that piss me off...

1. Feedback. The "community spirit" thing... If I am buying something from you, and I win the auction, and send the payment... This is when you should leave me feedback. I have completed my side of the transaction. None of this waiting around until several weeks after I have received the item, left you feedback (positive, unless you're a cunt) and emailed you half a dozen times reminding you that I have left feedback for you and you should do the same for me. It's not fucking rocket surgery. I buy shit, I pay for shit, you post and leave feedback. I receive shit, I leave feedback for you. That's how it's meant to work. No retaliatory feedback for stuff improperly packed. No retaliatory feedback because you took a month and a half to send the item.

2. Cunts who take your money and run. That has only happened to me once. Some shop in Englandshire, which went out of business, cashed my cheque and buggered off... However, it was a relatively small amount of money, and a long time ago. Shooting is too good for some people.

Anyway, I wonder how many days it will be before buggerlugs leaves me feedback for the book I bought...

Monday, June 25, 2007

First Scotrail crap, film at eleven.

Well, it was season ticket renewal day today...

A mere £649.80, up on last year by £26.60. (This includes the 5% crapness discount on both).

To add insult to injury, the train was 15 minutes late getting me in to Waverley tonight.

So, prices increase, by more than inflation, and service remains crap - as defined by First Scotrail themselves...

I have emailed them, as usual, and expect the same old shit from them... No doubt I can expect an improvement in the future, and blah blah blah.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Our freedom is at more risk than our climate

According to a comment piece by Vaclav Klaus in the Financial Times, our freedom is at risk, and not our climate.

"The dictates of political correctness are strict and only one permitted truth, not for the first time in human history, is imposed on us. Everything else is denounced."

The quasi-religious fervour with which climate change sceptics are told they are evil, and equated with holocaust deniers speak volumes - the same way that we are told that AGW *is* happening, and that the debate is over, when, in fact, it is not.

"The environmentalists ask for immediate political action because they do not believe in the long-term positive impact of economic growth and ignore both the technological progress that future generations will undoubtedly enjoy, and the proven fact that the higher the wealth of society, the higher is the quality of the environment. They are Malthusian pessimists."

Would that be because they are a bunch of socialists, disillusioned with the progress the world is making? They are grasping at the last chance to render all people equal, and equally miserable?

"As someone who lived under communism for most of his life, I feel obliged to say that I see the biggest threat to freedom, democracy, the market economy and prosperity now in ambitious environmentalism, not in communism. This ideology wants to replace the free and spontaneous evolution of mankind by a sort of central (now global) planning."

Interesting that the president of the Czech Republic makes this observation - I should think he knows more about the troubles of Communism than most of the environmentalists who are trying to herd us towards it.

As a witness to today’s worldwide debate on climate change, I suggest the following:
■Small climate changes do not demand far-reaching restrictive measures
■Any suppression of freedom and democracy should be avoided
■Instead of organising people from above, let us allow everyone to live as he wants
■Let us resist the politicisation of science and oppose the term “scientific consensus”, which is always achieved only by a loud minority, never by a silent majority
■Instead of speaking about “the environment”, let us be attentive to it in our personal behaviour
■Let us be humble but confident in the spontaneous evolution of human society. Let us trust its rationality and not try to slow it down or divert it in any direction
■Let us not scare ourselves with catastrophic forecasts, or use them to defend and promote irrational interventions in human lives.

I can hear the "but the changes will get worse" already from the doom-sayers. The "the greater good" and "think of the children" and the all time favourite, "something must be done"!

The politicisation of science has been talked about many times before - science is about what is actually happening, and when so much is being discovered about what is happening to the climate and why, what sense does it make to flap about in the hope that something we do now might prevent something later... What if by preventing something later we're actually doing even more harm to our environment? There is still a lot of noise that hasn't been suppressed by the environMENTALISTS over CO2 - does CO2 follow temperature rise?

Instead of speaking about the environment, we should be attentive to it in our daily lives - reminds me of older relatives telling me not to leave a light "burning" when I am not using it - sensible things that save money... Speaking of such things, George Moonbat has apparently bought himself a car, after however many years of preaching about cars being evil. Yet another do as I say, not as I do.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

MSPs vote against Trident renewal

MSPs have voted against the renewal of Trident...

Now what exactly does Trident have to do with them?

Oh yes...

Absolutely fuck all. Defence is a reserved matter, and as a result is nothing to do with the wee pretendy parliament. They must be having delusions of grandeur or something.

Get a real job and stop wasting yet more tax payers money on things you have no influence over. Fucking dolts.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Jump! For fuck's sake, jump and put us out of your misery!

The BBC reported someone was toying with jumping off North Bridge last week.

Today, some cunt is standing on the edge of the parapet on the bridge, shortly before 6. At least the previous attention seeking, non-committal waste of space had the decency to threaten to jump outside of rush hour... The guy tonight was loitering, making a fucking nuisance of himself for hours, in rush hour traffic.

Clearly, not committed to his cause, he should have either been forcibly removed, or shot. Too many people have their lives interrupted by these "cry for help" sorts. You're either going to jump, or you're not. Even a taxi driver told me about a time where a guy leapt over the side of the bridge in front of him... No fuss, just jumped.

Too many people are being pandered to - they are either going to jump or they are not. Let them get on with it, and if they don't get it over with in 5 minutes or less, let a crowd of angry commuters who have just had their day fucked up start to heckle them. That should stiffen their resolve.

Alternatively, don't pick a prime location in the city centre to cry for help. We don't give a fuck. We have our own problems to deal with, and we don't deal with them by inflicting them on an entire city.

-- Hootsman article for the jumper who didn't.

Greens win control of transport committee

How can the green party, all two of them, win control of anything? They only have 2 MSPs! Who, exactly, do the represent? Clearly nobody that counts, otherwise there woulf be more of them...

According to the Hootsman...

"There are also a number of new committees, including transport, infrastructure and climate change, which will be led by Patrick Harvie, the Green MSP. As a fierce critic of new road-building projects and an advocate of public transport, Mr Harvie is a controversial choice."

Which is all very well and good, Mr barely elected green nobody... How do you advocate public transport when it is regularly delayed and cancelled - like the Fife Circle train service this morning?

Why do we let these layabouts meddle with our affairs? Can't they get real jobs?

Edinburgh traffic wardens to strike over pay

... Who cares. Good riddance.

The BBC tells us they have pay envy comparing themselves to the Glaswegian traffic bastards. Strike all you like. We'll not stop you. I don't even have a car, and yet I detest these smug space invaders who wander the streets spreading their ordure on cars. Same with every other job - you're not being forced to work at that pay, get a job you like you whining cunts.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Faslane hippies to be taken to court... Faslane residents.

The Hootsman has a piece on Faslane hippies - apparently the locals are sick of the disruption, and the recent blockades which delayed kids getting to exams was apparently the straw that broke the camel's back.

"Members of the Peninsula 24 Seven group believe the demonstrators are breaching the Human Rights Act by denying their children their right to education."

That's really quite funny.
"The protesters, who glue or chain themselves to the road outside the naval base, bring traffic to a halt and affect hundreds of residents en route to work in Helensburgh and Glasgow."

That, however, is not. Run the hippy bastards over.

Carbon trading failing

According to the BBC, the EU's carbon trading scheme is failing... It's increasing electricity bills and not actually reducing carbon output...

Now could this be because it was a fucking stupid idea to begin with?

Apparently they'll continue to plod on with it though...

But the Minister for Climate Change, Ian Pearson, told File on 4 that the carbon trading scheme has been an administrative success yet concedes there have been problems in the first three year phase to the end of 2007.

"If you are saying to me it hasn't achieved a massive amount so far when it comes to CO2 reductions, well I agree with you and I think Phase Two will be a big, big improvement...and a key instrument in helping us all to achieve our carbon reduction targets across Europe."

Well, he would say it was a success, since it's keeping him in a job, isn't it?

Isn't repeating something, getting one result but continually expecting another a sign of insanity? But then, we are talking about a politician...

Passenger satisfaction rates dip

I wonder what passengers the headline refers to?

Ah yes, First Scotrail, who once again show us that they couldn't organise a shag in a brothel.

Apparently First Scotrail say "We're shit, but at least we're better than other regional operators" according to the BBC article...

This comes in the month when I am due to replace my annual rail ticket on the woeful Fife Circle line, and ask myself why I bother. No doubt I will rant again when the ticket price increases versus the discount they apply for not running their services on time (or at all) wipes out the 5% off....

I may rant about the trains being crap, but hey, it could be worse, I could have a car in Edinburgh. Bah.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Beauly - Denny - Whiners

The BBC reminds us that Scottish and Southern Energy would like to provide homes with electricity, and in doing so, put some new transmission towers on the route across the country.

The BBC also reminds us that there are a number of people whining about these transmission towers, because they will spoil the natural beauty of the countryside.

Where were these objections when they put a herd of windmills on Sheriffmuir, and blighted the landscape where a famous battle took place. You can see the windmills from miles away. I note that "Stirling before Pylons" have a lovely photo of the Wallace Monument on their website... What can I see when I go home? The Wallace Monument, and a whole load of fucking windmills. If only they hadn't cropped that photo so neatly. What a bunch of hypocrites.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Stop and quiz?

The BBC reports that the government is considering giving police officers across the UK "stop and question" powers under new anti-terror laws, says the Home Office.

Let's just be clear, they're not going to ask you what 8x6 is, or who is the French prime minister...

"Anyone who refuses to co-operate could be charged with obstructing the police and fined up to £5,000, according to the Sunday Times."

It's also interesting that "Muslim" appears in the article 8 times... To be honest, I had imagined the police stopping and quizzing groups of neds on street corners who would reply "That's so harassment!" in their best Vicky Pollard voice... Interesting that the BBC would labour the point about Muslims, when I think more people are worried about gangs of youths on street corners.

There is a passing mention that the government should consider suspending part of the ECHR to allow it more leeway with people it doesn't like.

Perhaps this scheme should be called "Stop and go fuck yourself".

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Drunk teen on flight making a nuisance of himself - why is this news?

According to the Hootsman, some pimply oik was acting like a cock on a plane, was up before the Sheriff, and pleaded guilty to breach of the peace... Why is this news?

We only hear about these drunken twats on planes - but how many times have you heard groups of fuckwits on trains playing loud music, shouting and swearing at the top of their voices, and generally being tits. You don't hear about the ones on the ground being banged to rights!

We should have a black ball system, where passengers on planes, trains and automobiles can anonymously vote out the weakest link from their carriages... Too many of us suffer in silence as these ne'er do wells cause irritation for hours on end. We need ejector seats for the trains and automobiles, and a hatch with the option of a parachute for the planes.

Milliband expects you to pay twice to dispose of your rubbish.

Milliband, otherwise known as that fuckwit of an environment secretary, wants to charge households per bag of rubbish to help boost recycling.

Fuck you, you irritating little man. We already pay for rubbish collections - it is called council tax. I will burn effigies of Milliband with my rubbish to avoid this sort of crap. I would also suggest that if they introduce this, that we have some good old fashioned civil disobedience, and not pay the thieving bastards in government twice for half the service.

Rubbish tax 'to boost recycling' my arse. Throw Milliband in a bin instead.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Bzzzzzt! Wrong answer!

The BBC reports that a Taser has been used to quell a pub row in Broxburn. Interestingly, they do not say very much about what happened, other than the chap who didn't sit-the-fuck-down and shut-the-fuck-up when told, got zapped.

Firstly - it had to be Broxburn, didn't it?
Secondly - weren't tasers only issued to firearms officers?
Thirdly - there is no mention of the suspect being armed...

"A police spokesman said the gun, which releases a high voltage charge, was used to disarm and subdue the suspect who posed a serious and immediate risk."

Since they've not told us what sort of serious and immediate risk was posed, I can only assume (from several years of working on pub and club doors) that the guy was being a cock, and a fairly serious brawl had broken out. There have been one or two where my colleagues and I have had to just let people fight it out amongst themselves - but if only we had had tasers back then... Muahahahahaha.

So, getting back to the BBC's lack of reporting, are we seriously to believe that a firearms unit was called to this pub? Apparently Lothian and Borders Police did send a firearms unit - what did the guy do? Why are the numerous offences not mentioned? Enquiring minds need to know!

Sunday, May 13, 2007

The Scottish people vote for luddism

The SNP and Greens have come to an agreement which opposes the building of nuclear power plants... Agrees to cripple Scotland through the early introduction of "climate change legislation", and agrees that Scotland is better being out of the Union, no doubt that parties, like the greens, that nobody votes for, gets to further cripple the country with crackpot ideas.

I really don't know where to start. The SNP must be really desperate if they need to get the greens on side... All 2 of them. Ah yes, the benefits of the party list system - nobody actually voted for these people - they are now paid for out of our taxes through sympathy!

The BBC article that reports all of this includes a report of a dig from labour, who seem to forget that Scotland has been governed by a labour majority for close to 50 years. Why isn't the country prospering the way the labour supporters think we should be? That would be because Labour is a crock of shit. 50 years, and fuck all to show for it. People have the cheek to complain about Thatcherism, yet have never experiences a day of Conservative rule in their lives - labour councils, labour MPs, labour MSPs. So when the SNP are (barely) elected, and labour spit the dummy?

They're all as bad as each other.

Bio-fuels Biohazard

So, since coal, gas and oil are bad, Mmmmmkay? How good for the environment are bio-fuels? Apparently, not very.

Bio-fuels are currently causing deforestation, and due to the areas where bio-fuels are being grown, they are causing people to starve, because the land cannot be used to grow useful crops to feed the populace.

"The report says that around nine per cent of the world's agricultural land may be needed to replace just 10% of the world's transport fuels."

So in short, we're all fucked.

Blah blah blah, carbon footprints.


Greenpeace endanger lives...

... but at least it was just their own this time.

According to this BBC News report, Greenpeace idiots jumped in front of a fishing vessel, in the high seas.

What exactly were they trying to do, other than possibly getting themselves killed?

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Angry people from around the world

The Helsinki Complaints Choir are angry, and sing about it. Hence the name, I suppose. Birmingham has one as well, but they were shit. There are choirs all round the world. I wonder if there is one near me.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Buy, Buy, Bye!

What is with people in this country? You must own your own flat, or somehow you're not a worthy citizen? (He says, after buying a new flat himself).

The BBC have a report that tells us property prices in Edinburgh have risen 173% over the past 10 years.

Some guy from Shelter is quoted as saying:

"These figures show that the gulf between those who can afford to buy and those who can't is widening at an alarming rate."

Which begs the question - if you can't afford to buy a house / flat / whatever - why not rent one? Renting seems to work very well on the continent - it only seems to be us Brits who are bent on buying with vast mortgages. People need a decent house - they don't necessarily need to own it themselves!

Daiquiri is good for you

The BBC have lifted my spirits today by telling the world that a daiquiri is good for you.

"Strawberries are good for you but having them in a cocktail may make them even healthier, a study suggests.

The fruit contains compounds that can protect against cancer, heart disease and arthritis."

I wonder if it's still good for you after the 10th one? I hope so.

"Whilst this study suggests that consuming strawberries with alcohol increases the antioxidant capacity, there are clearly detrimental effects of consuming alcohol in terms of cell damage.

"So any potential antioxidant benefits may be cancelled out by the potential liver damage caused by too much alcohol."

Curses! I shall have to try this theory out, and find the sweet spot for anti-oxidant goodness, and avoiding cirrhosis.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Tell them lies, tell them sweet little lies

The Register has a wonderful piece on crap Technical Support, where they tell us that "Power Users" are frequently frustrated by scripted help-desk calls.

I can only agree...

I have been known to (occasionally) work (don't tell my boss) in IT. (I am not a techno-weenie, so don't do front line). (And if I did, I'd probably tell people to reboot and fuck-off).

The Reg tells us that there are a few common approaches to dealing with the typically fuckwitted people on the end of the phone.

  1. Direct Approach - just roll with the script

    • Fake the answers to their questions

  2. Evasive Approach - try to find a work-around

    • Don't you know who I am? (Tell them you're a techno-god, and they are not).

    • Intimidation / Surliness - (Yes, for the third time, I have already fucking well tried that, you incompetent techno-weenie)

    • Immediate escalation - proceed directly to level 2, do not pass go, do not tell level 1 anything else

Here's a run through of a call I made to *Enterprise Support* with a company who make a server or two. Let's call the company IQ. (People who have seen 2001, A Space Odyssey should be able to work that one out).

Me - I have a $server which has powered its self down, and refuses to power up for long enough to boot the OS, I should have 4 hour support on this.
Them - Can you log in to the system
Me - No, it doesn't stay on for long enough
Them - Can you access the BIOS
Me - No, it doesn't stay on for long enough
Them - can you tell me what happens when you press the power switch
Me - It tries to start up and then shuts down again
Them - Can you try booting off a CD
Me - No, it doesn't power on for long enough
Them - Try some other things
Me - None of this works
Them - more stupid ideas involving powering the machine up, spinning up all the disks with a production database on them, and letting the machine power off several times.
Me - I have 4 hour support on this machine, it is a critical system, send me the engineer I am paying for.
Them - mumble, but he might not have the right part
Me - Tell him to bring an entire machine then.
Them - He'll call you shortly.
Me (Under my breath) - Wankers.

This is the level of support I have come to expect from that company for almost all their systems - with the notable exception of their Enterprise Unix boxes, where the Engineer is on the way almost as soon as you're off the phone.

For normal desktop PCs, you seem to require a magic incantation to get them to send you replacement parts, with or without an "engineer" to fit them. Even for something as simple as a dead hard drive - the OS is reporting the disk is failing, a disk diagnostic tool I use reports bad sectors on the drive - but no, they need an error code from their own diagnostic tool. (I now have a list of diagnostic codes for all occasions).

Another company, let's call them "Dull", seem to have pretty reasonable support, even for the desktop machines we have. Shame we don't have many (any?) of their servers. I can't think of any serious issues with their support people, who seem to be quite amenable to me saying "I do this for a living, here's what I think is wrong, can you just send me some parts?"

I work with computers because I hate working with people. Dealing with tech support lines, which are invariably outsourced to Ireland (so they can knee cap you if you become disagreeable) or India (so you get so fed up with not understanding a word they are saying you hang up). What I want, is some sort of password that would tell these people I do this for a living, so we both can then pitch our conversation at the right level, and have a laugh about out users being stupid, and get on with our lives. Until then, there's always whisky.