This is a collection of thoughts and statements about things that annoy me. I am a big, angry man. Hear me roar, or piss off and give me peace.

Showing posts with label shenanigans. Show all posts
Showing posts with label shenanigans. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

One in seven kids takes a drink

The Hootsman reports that one in seven of our beloved children (won't somebody think of the children?) are drinking alcohol regularly.

“A young person receiving the average British pocket money of £5.89 can buy eight litres of cider containing almost 34 units of alcohol – more than enough alcohol to kill them. That’s why minimum pricing is so important.”


Here's a thought... How about enforcing the existing Licensing Act (Scotland) and throwing the book at those selling to underage folk - which is already illegal?

Ach, it'll never catch on. It's enough to drive you to drink...

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

Tesco Ergo Sum

Tesco.

Bastards.

I was just at (my formerly local) Tesco to pick up some odds and sods for dinner, which I did in about 5 minutes, and then I went to the checkouts.

I went to the left, which is where the checkouts used to be, to find they were all closed. I went to the right, and only found self service things. I went straight on and found nothing.

Self service it is then.

This makes me sad.

After more or less successfully scanning a bunch of stuff, swearing at the till, and then flagging down a member of staff to un-break the till, I asked why there weren't any humans serving...

Now, please don't think that I don't know how to work a till. When I was a mere PFY (Pimply Faced Youth) I worked in Iceland (the shop, not the country) and was crap at stacking shelves, but blisteringly fast and accurate at making the tills beep, and taking money off folk. Tesco, by having only self service tills open is doing PFYs out of work, and annoying people who know how to work tills, but due to how shockingly shite the self service tills are, require operator intervention every other item.

I am sorry tesco, but you are quite simply a bunch of bastards.
Get folk back on the tills!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Authoritarian much?

Some Labour (quelle surprise) MP has called for the ban of smoking in cars carrying children. Why not go the whole hog and ban adults from smoking in their own homes you authoritarian cunt!

Or perhaps smokers should be banned from having children at all - it's for their own good!

For the record, the old boy smoked when I were a lad, and it really stunted my growth. (I'm 6'8", have no allergies, am not asthmatic, and am certainly not tolerant of this sort of bullshit).

Any other minutiae of our lives you'd like to organise for us?

Monday, December 13, 2010

Facefriends

So, you apparently have 35 friends in common with me.

Sorry, you're still a cunt, and I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Prime Mover

What's the point of Amazon Prime?

I had a free trial of Amazon Prime, which is the fast shipping whatsit from amazon.com, not some tribe from South America... I, of course, forgot to cancel the damned thing and have ended up paying for a year of the service. When it kicked off, it was a good idea - I could get stuff couriered to work the following day, and everything was fabulous... When I could no longer get stuff delivered there, I thought, that's fine, I'll have them send stuff to the house...

I've ordered a bunch of stuff which is sent either courier next day, or Royal Mail special delivery - both of which require a signature on delivery, even though I have a perfectly good letter box that wee packets of DVDs and CDs can be put through safely and securely. So I now have two packages being returned to Amazon. Clearly, they're fuck all use being sent back to Amazon, since I am still after the aforesaid items. The one item that arrived safe and sound was an Amazon marketplace purchase, which came first class a day or two after I had ordered it. Clearly, that's the way forward.

In short, Amazon Prime is a waste of money, and I am an idiot for paying for it. I've made sure it's not set to auto-renew though - I'll be damned if I am going to pay for a service that is essentially completely useless unless you're at the delivery address all the time.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Email address pARSErs on web forms

I am fed up with people doing stupid things when checking email addresses on web forms. Apparently other people are too...

The main thing that really gets on my tits is this...
+ is an allowed character in an email address, for example:

bob@example.com (is an email address)
bob+randomthing@example.com (is the same email address with a +randomthing tag which helps people filter their mail appropriately, and saves people creating different email aliases for things.)

Far too many web forms do utterly stupid "sanity" checks on the email addresses entered, and are just wrong.

Stop it you fucking morons, read the RFC. It is the RFC that tells us what makes an email address acceptable or not, not whatever magical idea just popped in to your head. They're called standards for a reason.

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Bullshit bingo

The Hootsman tells us a rather amusing story of bullshit bingo throughout the country.

Please remember to play along at your own place of business.

When I was working for a .com in Texas, I recall they had a penchant for using such bullshit as "reduction in force" for sacking people. "going forward" was a particular favourite of the marketroids. We even had a mention of "family jewels" rather than what I hope they meant; "crown jewels".

More recently, I have been exposed to such crap as "webinar", "leverage", and "do the needful".

Tell people at your place of work to say what the fuck it is they mean.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Scottish Roundup Meetup

So I was the Pleasance last night with a few other Scottish bloggers, which was nice... There were a few new faces and a few old faces - it was great to catch up with folk. It was also amusing to find out just how small a world it is again :-)



Other than the occasional shower, and flyer, it was a very pleasant evening with lots of things being discussed - from politics (meh) to the future of the roundup to who was getting the next round in...



I am thinking we definitely need a caption contest for these... Now, is that a hand being waved, or am I getting flipped off here?


I can just imagine something outrageous being said here, the reality is probably some random political witterings... Shame...

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

BrewDog Burbling...

The Metro this morning has a wee article about a (probably exciting) new offering from BrewDog - the 18.2% "Tokyo" beer. (Which I haven't tried yet)...

A 330ml bottle of Tokyo , made by BrewDog, contains six units of alcohol, which is twice the recommended daily limit.


Would that be the entirely made up limits that we found out were all lies in 2007?

Of course, the fake charity Alcohol Focus Scotland is quoted as saying something dreary about how we're all doomed.

What would we do without all this nannying? Perhaps taking some personal responsibility? But that would do the nanny types out of their public funded jobs, which would not do.

Godzilla wouldn't stand for it, and neither should we! Get the piano wire and a locate a robust lamppost!

I for one welcome our new beery overlords!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Attack of the Evil Terrorist Photographers!

Via The Register, a chap got arrested for taking pictures of Chatham High Street.
"Alex Turner was taking snaps in Chatham High St last Thursday, when he was approached by two unidentified men. They did not identify themselves, but demanded that he show them some ID and warned that if he failed to comply, they would summon police officers to deal with him."
We are seeing more and more of this sort of nonsense, with jumped up officious little twats in the police harassing people in the street and abusing their power.

I am with the Anonymous Coward on TheReg, who suggests:
"Someone should start a twit/book campaign for a national "photograph the police" day, if everyone is doing it, they can't stop us all"


All this CCTV around these days, and when that chap took a photo, the police claimed to feel threatened. Well boo-fucking-hoo. And then the police wonder why people don't trust or respect them!

There's a reckoning coming.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

It's the MEPs who need clubbed

Well, I blogged about this last summer, and it looks like those bastards in Europe have done it.

The Hootsman reports that "the manufacture and sale of sealskin sporrans will be illegal from next autumn. This will affect existing unsold stock and also the second-hand trade."

I suggest we start clubbing MEPs.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Sorry I got caught

Jacqui Smith sorry for expense claim says the BBC

Sorry she got pulled up for it more like.

It's not like it's the first time she has been up to no good with our money. There are more links than I can be bothered to cut and paste!

Why are we the people not outraged by these continual piss takes from our elected representatives? Why do we not hang them off a lamppost using piano wire?

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Airgun confusion - no confusion

Again with The Scotsman...

Can we say: posturing move with Westminster?

"Mr MacAskill said: "The law around air and replica guns is too confusing and needs to be reformed. However, the Home Secretary refuses to either do this or devolve the powers so that the Scottish Government can."


No, it's not confusing at all, it's just that MacAskill is an idiot.

I think the comments say it all.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Industrial fuckwittedness and the arsehole coefficient

After conversing with a number of people I know, some of whom I work with. Yes, I do work sometimes, I have come to observe a phenomenon known as the arsehole coefficient in the workplace.

For a company of size n, the arsehole coefficient is a, where a < n, unless you're really unlucky.

As people get pissed off with company, and the company offers voluntary redundancies and pay cuts, the good people in the company tend to go early because they are good people - they can be easily employed elsewhere, and can get decent salaries. As such, n decreases, a tends to stay the same, and the ratio of n to a increases - that's the arsehole coefficient.

The private sector is unknowingly or unthinkingly propagating this by not offering raises - some people I know haven't had a raise in 4 or 5 years - they've had the occasional bonus, but that's no use when you're talking to your mortgage people is it? The companies are not being brave enough to get rid of the fuckwits, and are generally being scared by the market at the moment.

As a result of this, they are haemorrhaging good staff who can seek a raise as they move to pastures new. It would seem that certain employers are hell bent on driving what few good remaining staff are there by making it more difficult for employees to stay (arsehole coefficient biting them there) and general bad feeling about their compensation - and yet I expect they'll wonder why their workforce is demotivated, their products are shite, and why the company is going down the pan.

Many of these companies are placing too much stock in their stock. (Whilst I do realise it is the duty of the directors to maximise the share price for the investors, it's also the duty of the board to ensure there's a company still there for there to maximise!)

The board is only interested in the share price - and companies are pressing on with share buy back schemes and so on, when it is clear that the stock market is in the middle of a wibble. They seem incapable of taking a long term view as opposed to a blinkered short term approach. The long term view of investing in their staff, and as such their product line for a pay off in the future, not a fast buck now.

If investors and management had any sense, they would insist that the long term stability of the company was put first. Short term fiddling of the stock prices by laying off staff, buying back shares, hiring contractors instead of permanent employees, and generally running the company in to the ground would be frowned upon since the long term stability of the company (and people's pension funds) would be jeopardised.

Long live the long term point of view.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Women are shallow and are after your money

The Hootsman reports some amusing study results...
In a study carried out by psychologists at the University of Wales, involving 120 people, when women were presented with separate images of the same man sitting in a silver Bentley Continental, then a red Ford Fiesta, they viewed him as ''more attractive'' in the prestige car.

As opposed to the blokes who found the women equally attractive no matter what car they were pictured in. Quietly grateful for any female attention, no doubt.

A psychologist is quoted as saying:
"It's hard to fight against our genetic inheritance. I think women have always looked to men for some sort of financial security and the car is proof of that."

Ah, so they're not just gold digging for the sake of it then... What a relief.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Parliamentary inscription wanted...

Parliamentary inscription wanted - The Beeb says we can send in suggestions for a blurb to be chiselled in stone on the pretendy parliament.

Here's one:

You're a shower of bastards and a waste of money.
You should be hanging from lampposts.
The collaborators should be put up against a wall.

I bet we get humped on the price for the inscription too.

Monday, March 09, 2009

More help for students - the saviours of the economy

The Hootsman has a hilarious opinion piece on why we should dig deeper for students...
"Student numbers are going up as people desperately try to reorient their careers. But, at the same time, those in full-time higher and further education are finding it difficult to fund their studies"
The article ends with a pithy remark about how more graduates will save the flagging British economy. (Although you'll probably have to actually read the paper for that...) Something about how, once they graduate, they'll make lots of money and spend lots of money, and that's just what we need.

That would be all very well and good if these students weren't all studying yoghurt knitting and basket weaving, and other such utterly pointless courses, at pointless "universities".

Go and get an apprenticeship - be a plumber or something! Then maybe I'll be able to get a plumber at less than 4 months notice, and an arm and a leg an hour. Gaaaaah!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Bankers need a lesson in humility

Fifth and final in the Metro rant series.

"The four bank bosses should have a 'lesson in humility' from the government, a peer urged."

Sorry - did I just read that right? is this the same government which took our men and women off to war on a lie? Is it the same government who had the mantra "Education, Education, Education" and promptly brought in tuition fees at University? Is that the same government who day by day create more laws infringing more of our civil liberties as enshrined in the Magna Carta?

We're locking up too many women

Oh really? (This is number four in the Metro rant series)

Clearly the justiciary disagree with the head of the prison service. If people are naughty, lock 'em up. It's not just about rehabilitation, but you also have to consider the victims of crime, and the population as a whole are better off with some of these people off the streets.

--

I wonder if this boils down to little girls being made of sugar and spice and all things nice, and prison being too nasty a place for them. Prison is a nasty place for nasty boys - slugs and snails and puppy dog's tails.

(Actually, I like puppy dogs and their tails).

Gas guzzlers face £320 parking bill

Number three in a series of Metro letters...

Is this the same story as last year, or are they actually going to do it this time? Correct me if I am wrong, but do cars pollute when parked? Do CEC expect long suffering motorists to sell up and buy new cars (ignoring the financial cost - just think about the waste of a perfectly good old car)...

This is nothing more than Edinburgh's car hating policy making once again - they are still spanking us for saying no to the full tram monty. When I am taking the train to work all week (assuming it's running) having a nice car to play with at the weekend is a great thing - this is nothing more than luddism. That and their failing, underfunded trams project needs funded somehow. They see me rollin' - They hatin'

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We need to set fire to council offices and start hanging cuntcillors with piano wire from the lampposts. It is clearly the only way to stop this sort of shite spewing forth from the City of Edinburgh Cuntcil offices.