Quell the rage

As those who know me know, I try to temper my rage by going to the gym. It also has the side effect of making me thirsty, which means I enjoy a pint or two afterwards even more.

The trouble with being at the work gym (other than there being no women there) is that there's always some guff on the telly - 4music or TMF or some other shit.

Gym music needs to be upbeat - get the blood pumpin, body jumpin, and all that sort of (techno) house music stuff. What do we get these days? Shite rap - remember you can't spell crap without rap. Here's a youtube video - pish, but on the plus side has ho's, or are they bitches? - I can never remember, and the terminology changes so frequently... Anyway, women jiggling around in their underwear. Not that I am complaining about scantily clad hotties, but I think when it's the only redeeming feature of your supposed music, I think the point is being missed somewhat...

With the previous "music" over, a similar racket continues, interspersed with copious and annoying ad breaks. No wonder folk are so miserable - shite love songs, shite from people who aren't old enough to take a drink singing the blues.

Having had enough of this drivel, I was so enraged that I wandered to HMV and bought a complete set of Mahler's symphonies. I have been listening to this all week in between doing some work, and swearing at colleagues. It has been quite soothing.

Clearly the solution is for me to acquire some sort of walkman, and take some banging house choons with me to the gym and ignore the crap on the telly. However, I'll be damned if I am going to buy an iPod. An order has been placed with Nokia for bluetooth stereo headphones so I can make the gash battery life on my phone even worse.

Yay.

Cunts.

Awww, shit!

Have you noticed the recent proliferation in piles of dog shit on pavements round Edinburgh? I expect it's probably the same in a lot of other cities.

People have forgotten basic civility - don't let your dog take a massive shite in the middle of the pavement. Sure enough, someone will come along and step in it, and then tramp it half way across the city causing wee brown shitey splodges for several yards (sue me) that everyone else to try to avoid as well as the original, slightly flatter, pile.

Do you remember when training your dog not to shit on the carpet in the house, that when you caught them pinching a loaf indoors, you'd rub their nose in it, and shout a lot? Perhaps we need to do this to the lazy bastard dog owners who let their dogs shite all over the place! Rub their noses right in their dog's shit pile. It's not the dog's fault their owner is an ignorant, inconsiderate arsehole.

I'd ask why the council aren't doing anything about it, but I think the simple answer to that is because they're a bunch of cunts who would rather piss about with ruining the city with trams than actually trying to sort something useful out for the residents! I'd also ask why people who have these turds right outside their front doors don't chuck a bucket of soapy water over it to wash it in to the drain? Sooner or later someone will tramp it in to their flat or close...

And for the record, this was prompted by the turd on Brougham Place which I have been dodging for almost a week. Bastards.

IdeaCom Technology Inc Windows Vista Update breaks the computer

I have a Dell laptop, Precision M70 (who wants to touch me?) with pointy nipple and touchpad - both of which were broken with the optional "IdeaCom HID Touch Screen PS/2" update for windows vista x32.

I also have a Shuttle, Athlon x64 PC, running Vista Business x64 which also had the trackball on the keyboard fail after the update.

Do not install this update, it will fuck up your Qi.

It has made me very grumpy. At least remote desktop is unaffected by this crap.

Wise Investment

The Torygraph tells us that Merrill Lynch (haven't they gone bust yet?) say that rich folk are buying gold instead of keeping their money in the bank, or under the mattress.

"They are so worried they want a portable asset in their house. I never thought I would be getting calls from clients saying they want a box of krugerrands,

That could be because nobody trusts the banks any more - no matter how the governments try to convince us that everything will be ok.

My pal Johnny sent me a link to a gold seller a few months ago. They do very tasteful little bars of gold, and also coin. I am tempted.

I am stockpiling, for The Inevitable Zombie Apocalypse, or other method of the ending civilisation, bottles of whisky (which I can drink) and cans of Heinz Cream of Tomato soup. Johnny tells me he's hoarding coffee and pornography.

I can't help but think I should be stockpiling some of these cartridges... And I'm not talking about for my fountain pen.