This is a collection of thoughts and statements about things that annoy me. I am a big, angry man. Hear me roar, or piss off and give me peace.

Monday, August 25, 2008


I was in my friend's pub last weekend, enjoying a pint and a chat with the delightful barmaids, when in walks in some pished guys.

I was interfering with the jukebox, putting some more Led Zep on, when one of the chaps came over and drunkenly told me not to change the music.

"I put this on, of course I am not going to change it" was my reply. He asks me how tall I am, he asks me some other random stuff. He then asks me if I have ever lost a fight.

*ding* *ding* *ding*

I was somewhat bemused by this, and told him I had never been in a fight before, so didn't know. (Not entirely true, but that doesn't make me a bad person).
He eventually fucked off up the back of the pub with his pal and his pint.

My pint is almost finished, so I order another, and I mention to the barmaid that I would keep an eye on those two, since they're more drunk than I am. (And I am not about to make a cunt of myself in a pal's pub). I return to reading the paper, listening to Led Zep, and drinking my pint.

Jukebox man returns, with half his pint, and starts drunkenly waffling at me. He then starts turning the pages of my paper. I explain that he's being rude, and go back to mostly ignoring him since his patter is pish, and reading the paper. He's blabbering on about something, and then he sticks his finger in my ear.

What the fuck just happened there.

Once is accidental. "Hey hey" said I, and not in a Herschel Krustofsky sort of way.

So I return to drinking and reading, and then I feel this finger in my ear again.

Twice is suspicious. I tell him to behave himself, and that he's not funny.

Fuck me, that's his finger a third time. Three times is enemy action. His arm was up his back and his body twisted forward far enough to have his head be close to the bar before his finger made contact with my ear. (I only held him with one hand, so it wasn't a particularly good wrist lock, but it served its purpose).

"What the fuck is your game. Cut that out forthwith, otherwise I'll break your fucking arm."

He seemed to get the message, his pal, by this time had come down from the back of the pub, and I told him to finish their drinks and take jukebox man away, which he did.

When did it become socially acceptable to stick your finger in a stranger's ear? Particularly when the stranger is the biggest guy in the bar?
Particularly when the stranger is me?
It's just as well for him I am such a happy go-lucky chap.

I think I might have start some classes for people regarding acceptable behaviour in public.


Anonymous said...

Classes on acceptable behavior or Darwinism - either should do the trick me thinks.

Bill Bradford said...

Finger in ear = FOOT UP ARSE

That's the only acceptable result.

Ian said...

I don't know if it is actually possible to laugh so hard you cough up your own spleen, but I think I just did...

Johnny said...

You should have broken his finger. It makes a great noise - which everyone would have been able to hear over the music... err... I mean, so I'm told, allegedly.

Shug Niggurath said...

Similar thing happened to me in a pub few months back, guy puts some money in the jukebox, when his songs finish he tells me it's my turn to play some tunes.

I tell him that I'm not going to play any tunes so he picks up his pint tumbler and tries to glass me with it.

I doubt that it's socially acceptable to behave like this, but there is a certain air of intimidation these days that I never notices years back.