The war of the roses

If I find whoever is picking roses from the bushes in my front garden, I'll stick their head on a spike.



If they would at least not damage the rest of the bush by tearing the flower off the stem. Idiots.

But hey, at least it's the second flowering of the year. What? I can still be angry and grow roses at the same time. Oh fuck off.

Puritans and Booze

I had the pleasure of visiting my home from home, The Scotch Malt Whisky Society, on Friday of last week... As a member of the society, I do visit both The Vaults and Queen Street, but on this occasion, I was in Queen St.

A very pleasant evening was had by all, although, when we came to leave and were considering purchasing bottles of whisky we found we could not due to these new puritanical licensing laws...

At 21:59 apparently I am a reasonable human being, mostly in control of my faculties, and they are allowed to sell me whisky by the bottle to add to my shelf.

At 22:00 however, I become a drooling moron, and am unable to buy a bottle of fine single cask single malt. They'll still serve me whisky by the dram, of course.

Which utter fucking moron came up with this new law? Clearly not someone who is a member of the society, or someone capable of holding their drink without making a complete and utter cunt of themselves.

I would like to take these puritans to the society, feed them fine whisky, excellent food. Show them we can behave ourselves. Then I'd like to hang them from a lamppost with piano wire the following day. Bastards! Can't they just leave us alone?