The war of the roses

If I find whoever is picking roses from the bushes in my front garden, I'll stick their head on a spike.



If they would at least not damage the rest of the bush by tearing the flower off the stem. Idiots.

But hey, at least it's the second flowering of the year. What? I can still be angry and grow roses at the same time. Oh fuck off.

Tram tweeter twatter

The Hootsman tells us that TIE, the Edinburgh Tram (singular) people, have employed a "a dedicated "tweeter" to lead an online PR offensive".

Well, can't be any more offensive than TIE and Edinburgh cuntcil flushing millions of pounds down the drain on a tram that people DO NOT WANT.

He amusingly comments in The Hootsman that people should search for "Edinburgh Trams" on facebook - Amusingly enough when I did that, I found a collection of anti tram groups!

Oh well, better luck next time, and while I remember... Get a real job!

I swear

From a friend of mine who is a software engineer and is now doing an MBA sent me this link to an oath for business people...

Take the Oath

I will act with utmost integrity and pursue my work in an ethical manner.

Integrity? Ethics? Aye, right.

I will take responsibility for my actions, and I will represent the performance and risks of my enterprise accurately and honestly.

I will take responsibility and make sure I have a golden parachute so when I fuck it all up and run the company in to the ground I'll get a massive pay off, and a monster of a pension!

This oath I make freely, and upon my honor.

Ah, well, we know we're in for more of the same, since we know they have no honour.

Oink! Oink!

No, not the pig cold that's going about... Our MPs...

The MPs who are taking the piss with their expenses.

Their expenses - OUR money, and they claim it's all legal and above board because... the system was designed by other MPs with their snouts in the trough.

It's not really the MPs fault though - it's ours. We allowed this to happen. Us.

Whilst the BBC reports on the matter, I am much more amused by The Daily Mash.

Maybe a good dose of Ivermectin would rid us of these parasites, but then the streets wouldn't be running with the blood of the corrupt politicians who we are allowing to ruin this country.

Hang 'em high!

Attaboy!

The interwebs (WSBTV, Atlanta) reports that a group of college students said they are lucky to be alive and that they're thanking their quick-thinking gun carrying friend.

Bailey said the gunmen started counting bullets. “The other guy asked how many (bullets) he had. He said he had enough,” said Bailey.

That’s when one student grabbed a gun out of a backpack and shot at the invader who was watching the men. The gunman ran out of the apartment.

Now, if you're taken at gunpoint by two guys, told to hand over your wallets, phones and jewellery, then the gunmen start asking themselves how many rounds of ammunition they have. They separate the men and women. Now one of them is about to sexually assault someone in the apartment. What are you going to do? Most people are powerless to fight back.

The first rule of a gunfight is bring a gun.

Of course, if this had happened in Britain, we'd have the student arrested.
Time and time again we see law abiding folk being victims because they are not able to respond to violence from criminals. It makes a refreshing change to see that a potential victim turn the situation around, and save the lives of his friends.

Just remember, when you have seconds to live, the Police are only a few minutes away.

Piracy

The Hootsman tells us of a cruise ship being attacked by pirates, the pirates being repulsed by an on-board Israeli security force...

"the pirates retreated after the security officers returned fire and sprayed them with water hoses. The ship then continued its journey, with windows darkened."

Jolly good.

Now, what do you think a chap from the East African Sea Farers Assistance Programme said about this?

"Having weapons on a passenger or merchant ship is dangerous. They should have used other means to shake off the pirates, like a loud acoustic device."

As one commenter on the article said - is that chap willing to stand at the rail, and shout "Go away!" at the pirates? And just which African sea farers is he spokesman for?

I am reliably informed, by a friend in the Royal Navy, that our modern warhips still have a yardarm... When I asked him why we were not hanging pirates from them, or returning them from whence they came he replied that apparently returning them to a home country where the penalty for piracy is death would be a breach of their human rights. Ah well.

I think The Englishman has the right idea with an alternate cruise offering. His readers have some excellent suggestions for things to take on the cruise.

Arrrr.

Sorry I got caught

Jacqui Smith sorry for expense claim says the BBC

Sorry she got pulled up for it more like.

It's not like it's the first time she has been up to no good with our money. There are more links than I can be bothered to cut and paste!

Why are we the people not outraged by these continual piss takes from our elected representatives? Why do we not hang them off a lamppost using piano wire?

Airgun confusion - no confusion

Again with The Scotsman...

Can we say: posturing move with Westminster?

"Mr MacAskill said: "The law around air and replica guns is too confusing and needs to be reformed. However, the Home Secretary refuses to either do this or devolve the powers so that the Scottish Government can."

No, it's not confusing at all, it's just that MacAskill is an idiot.

I think the comments say it all.

Princes Street gets tram reprieve for festivals...

Princes Street gets tram roadworks reprieve for festivals... The Hootsman reports that TIE have struck some deal or other to wind the roadworks down during the plague of tourists seasons.

So yet another knife in the back for Edinburgh residents who have to suffer for longer so that the tourists see nice clear streets for their 5 minute visit to the city.

I'd have the lot of them shot as collaborators.

Parliamentary inscription wanted...

Parliamentary inscription wanted - The Beeb says we can send in suggestions for a blurb to be chiselled in stone on the pretendy parliament.

Here's one:

You're a shower of bastards and a waste of money.
You should be hanging from lampposts.
The collaborators should be put up against a wall.

I bet we get humped on the price for the inscription too.

More help for students - the saviours of the economy

The Hootsman has a hilarious opinion piece on why we should dig deeper for students...

"Student numbers are going up as people desperately try to reorient their careers. But, at the same time, those in full-time higher and further education are finding it difficult to fund their studies"

The article ends with a pithy remark about how more graduates will save the flagging British economy. (Although you'll probably have to actually read the paper for that...) Something about how, once they graduate, they'll make lots of money and spend lots of money, and that's just what we need.

That would be all very well and good if these students weren't all studying yoghurt knitting and basket weaving, and other such utterly pointless courses, at pointless "universities".

Go and get an apprenticeship - be a plumber or something! Then maybe I'll be able to get a plumber at less than 4 months notice, and an arm and a leg an hour. Gaaaaah!

Bankers need a lesson in humility

Fifth and final in the Metro rant series.

"The four bank bosses should have a 'lesson in humility' from the government, a peer urged."

Sorry - did I just read that right? is this the same government which took our men and women off to war on a lie? Is it the same government who had the mantra "Education, Education, Education" and promptly brought in tuition fees at University? Is that the same government who day by day create more laws infringing more of our civil liberties as enshrined in the Magna Carta?

We're locking up too many women

Oh really? (This is number four in the Metro rant series)

Clearly the justiciary disagree with the head of the prison service. If people are naughty, lock 'em up. It's not just about rehabilitation, but you also have to consider the victims of crime, and the population as a whole are better off with some of these people off the streets.

--

I wonder if this boils down to little girls being made of sugar and spice and all things nice, and prison being too nasty a place for them. Prison is a nasty place for nasty boys - slugs and snails and puppy dog's tails.

(Actually, I like puppy dogs and their tails).

Now there's a surprise...

According to the Times, and the BBC, the EU has once again been pissing money up the wall, and not accounting for it properly.

This is the 14th year.

If I ran my company like that, do you think I'd still be in business?

Where's my referendum?

Fife deserves what it gets

SSP 212
Con 1381
SNP 13209
Sol 87
SSenior 297
Lab 19946
UKIP 117
SLD 947

Well, if they don't realise they need a change, hell mend them.

Spanking Edinburgh's Motorists. Again.

The Hootsman tells us that the cuntcil are running a consultation on the proposed increase in parking charges for higher polluting vehicles.

Now, correct me if I am wrong, but a vehicle that is parked is not polluting. It's when it is running that it is... So perhaps encouraging people to leave their vehicles parked would be the way forward. The vitriol between the luddites, and sane people in the comments is quite entertaining, if it weren't so tragic. 4x4s are baaaaad, they bleat. Forgetting that so many estate cars and large saloons favoured by those with families are just as big and just as polluting.

What this looks like is a simple case of the council trying to screw motorists in the city, and using supposed green arguments as an excuse. Mostly because the cuntcillors will be taking taxis everywhere, paid for by us, so what do they care? Bastards.

One commenter links to The Glasgow Herald. (They call it The Herald now, but some of us are old enough to remember when they weren't ashamed to have a west coast bias). Apparently Glasgow council had the sense to listen to their residents... Makes a change. Last time Edinburgh asked us what we thought, and we said no, the cuntcil spanked us by inflicting a tram line on us.

Why don't you take this opporchancity to tell the bastards what you think of their plans?

Foxtrot Oscar (EU Petition response)

Just got this from our glorious leader in response to e-signing a petition on the No 10 webshite....

"The Government believes that EU Membership is firmly in Britain’s national interest, and remains committed to ensuring that the EU is focussed on adding value for its citizens."

That's all very well and good - but we the people don't necessarily believe this is so.

Where's the referendum we were promised?

Tell me again, why we're not hanging these cunts from lampposts with piano wire?

It taks a lang spoon tae sup wi a Fifer!

As the old adage says, it taks a lang spoon tae sup wi a Fifer...

The BBC reports that last year 7 out of 72 samples taken by weights and measures in Fife pubs were accurate... And that they are giving notice that another survey will be happening pretty soon... Nothing like giving the mean bastards a heads up so they know you're coming and can clean up your acts for a month or two before going back to their old ways then, eh?

Shame!

42 days

Apparently that bill has been passed.

We're allowing them to piss our historic rights up the wall here. We might as well tear up the Magna Carta, and every other right that has been fought for by our forefathers.

But it's all ok, apparently, as you can be compensated if you're wrongfully arrested.

I wonder, if they arrest you on suspicion TERRRRR, and you're released after the 42 days are up, can you claim 42 days of your life back from these illiberal cunts? Oh, you can get some sort of compensation. That's just fucking great. I'd want the time back. But they can't do that, can they?

The government didn't do this when the IRA were blowing up people doing their shopping.

I am horrified and ashamed to call myself British.

Trams kill decent boozer

The Evening Hootsman reports something that has been fucking obvious for weeks. (Well, to me anyway, since I used to drink there...)

The Caledonian Ale House at Haymarket has closed. Because they are going to demolish it to run the trams through there. Cunts.

It was the only half decent boozer in the area. The Haymarket is usually full of arseholes, and only has a couple of decent beers. Ryrie's reeks. The Caley had decent beer, fine fizzy lagery things, nice food, and bar staff that were pretty decent folk.The 12 staff have lost their jobs.

To say that I am not best pleased about this would be an understatement. That was my favourite post work boozer, since other folk coming in off the train could stop for a pint or two of an evening before heading our separate ways.

Who asked for these trams? How much of the city has to be destroyed? How much of our money has to be pissed up the wall on this? Why are the cunts not swinging from lampposts already?